I admire people who seem to be all grown up. Everything just seems to be handled and in place. They are able to muster up the courage to fight battles and never blink an eye. They have a solution for everything and offer advice, typically unsolicited. They are the "grown ups" in our lives. However, I really think that despite the outward appearance, there is still a child inside. I don't believe the child in us ever really grows up!
Even at my ripe old age, I find that I am constantly growing up. Often this shocks me because somewhere inside I too still long to be a kid. I often reminisce about growing up and peer pressure, boy pressure, school pressure. There are things I both love and loathe about my childhood. Some self inflicted but some were just growing pains. I am sure all of it has made me into the person I am today. I had a conversation with someone recently and I commented, "I am grown on my own". Meaning that I am an individual. I handle my own problems. I reach out when needed but ultimately I am the decision maker and consequence taker. By golly, I am grown!!!!
Sometimes my children seem to think that the rite of passage is determined by a number: 18, 21, 25, etc. But being a grown up to me is a level of maturity and responsibility. Taking account for the decisions you have made and either holding your head high or repenting because of a choice. But in the end owning up to all your stuff.
Daily I realize that as the mom, I too have to exemplify a "grown up" stature. I do understand that I can be wrong, admit it and still be in authority; that I can make a fool of or laugh at myself without losing position; and I can be me, vulnerable, crazy, or quiet without being questioned.
I must give a shout out to my youngest daughter, the CCM (chocolate cheerleading mouse). Take a seat and HOLD YOUR BREATH.......
Recently she quit cheer.
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Yes, she let go of the love of her life in pursuit of something else. Her decision was entirely her own and a shock to us all. No more scheduling our lives around practices, meetings, traveling, etc. No more early more travels and late night pick ups. And just what would we do with all the extra money.....? She grew up enough to make the decision to walk away from something that brought her so much joy, to reach for the unknown! SHE STEPPED OUT ON FAITH! And walked away......
In her 15 years (almost 16), she has seen me make the hard decisions and be challenged to see what else could be. She has seen the transitions of my life up close and personal and walked with me through the rough times. She has endured lack and encouraged me that things will definitely get better; yes she has been spoiled but she has also be appreciative. She has complained but rejoiced as well. She has been a trouper and sometimes a party pooper but yet she has understood the words "in due time...."
Her grown up decision has opened some new doors. My daughter desires to go to Spelman and with her recently decision, we can schedule her tours and even her summer visits next year. Her next trip is to Disney World and then to Chicago. (She has a traveling bug....but she got it honest). She can do some much need community service and even join another club and expand her experiences.
So I conclude that my daughter is also "grown on her own". I am watching her make decisions and be totally secure in the consequences. I am now the onlooker and I see that she is a leader and a thought provoker; she is my little diamond and faith walker; she is a beautiful lady and a good friend; she is Sydney and she owns it! No she is not defined as a CCM anymore but this is only a chapter of her life, this girl is on FIRE! And I love her to life.
Keep walking little sister, I see your faith!
Mi Vida
