Speak to My Heart

Speak to my heart Lord.

I am in a season of confession…..I need healing. 

The Webster’s dictionary defines heal(ing):  to make whole, healthy, or sound/to bring an end or conclusion as conflicts between people or groups, to reconcile, to free from evil, cleanse or purify. 

I need all of these.  I realize that I am the common denominator in all of my situations (I live with me). After reflection I know that it is me, me oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.  This week,  I had a conversation with a dear sister recently and it truly motivated me to dig deeper into my healing issues.

So Monday, I joined a Morning Prayer group and I found that I miss prayer.  I haven’t been praying the way I used to and it is truly affecting my ability to heal properly; to just get over some stuff.  Not to forget but to forgive for my own sake. 

I have not been connecting properly with the Lord and it is showing.  My conversations with the Lord have been one-sided; me venting my frustrations and then shutting the lines of communication down.  I haven’t heard a word that the Lord has said. I haven’t been still.  I haven’t gotten any direction which I attribute greatly to my ability to accomplish many of the goals that I have set.  Even if you are not a religious person, speaking and listening are important parts of personal growth.  Speak, then listen for an answer (one of my problems).  You might not like the answer but it is helpful in guiding and developing the person you are becoming.

Not only has my lack of true prayer affected my connection to the Lord, it has affected my outward appearance and reflects my inward pain.  I hadn’t realized how much pain I carried within me.  I believe that am truly forgiving and giving but lately I have found that I hold grudges and have become stingy with my time, love, and personal space.  It has not been very pretty. 

I know and believe that the only way to evolve is to confess your fault, repent, and turn.  It’s the turning that has me caught in a loop.  I am in a catch 22 because I know better and definitely want to do better but I am in pain.  There are some areas that are still very sore and are still tender to the touch.  It’s time to deal with those…..

So as I work toward a new me; a refreshing; a new beginning, I have to call on all of you to pray with and for me as I heal and my heart is the perfect place for the Lord to start. It’s not going to be easy but it is needful.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress but I hope you’ll be able to tell.

Keep Walking In Faith…..

MiVida

Growing Up!

I admire people who seem to be all grown up.  Everything just seems to be handled and in place.  They are able to muster up the courage to fight battles and never blink an eye.  They have a solution for everything and offer advice, typically unsolicited.  They are the "grown ups" in our lives.  However, I really think that despite the outward appearance, there is still a child inside.  I don't believe the child in us ever really grows up!

 

Even at my ripe old age, I find that I am constantly growing up.  Often this shocks me because somewhere inside I too still long to be a kid.  I often reminisce about growing up and peer pressure, boy pressure, school pressure.  There are things I both love and loathe about my childhood. Some self inflicted but some were just growing pains.  I am sure all of it has made me into the person I am today.  I had a conversation with someone recently and I commented, "I am grown on my own".  Meaning that I am an individual. I handle my own problems. I reach out when needed but ultimately I am the decision maker and consequence taker.  By golly, I am grown!!!!

 

Sometimes my children seem to think that the rite of passage is determined by a number: 18, 21, 25, etc.  But being a grown up to me is a level of maturity and responsibility.  Taking account for the decisions you have made and either holding your head high or repenting because of a choice.  But in the end owning up to all your stuff.

 

Daily I realize that as the mom, I too have to exemplify a "grown up" stature.  I do understand that I can be wrong, admit it and still be in authority; that I can make a fool of or laugh at myself without losing position; and I can be me, vulnerable, crazy, or quiet without being questioned. 

 

I must give a shout out to my youngest daughter, the CCM (chocolate cheerleading mouse). Take a seat and HOLD YOUR BREATH.......

 

Recently she quit cheer. 

 

Yes, she let go of the love of her life in pursuit of something else. Her decision was entirely her own and a shock to us all.  No more scheduling our lives around practices, meetings, traveling, etc. No more early more travels and late night pick ups. And just what would we do with all the extra money.....?  She grew up enough to make the decision to walk away from something that brought her so much joy, to reach for the unknown!  SHE STEPPED OUT ON FAITH!  And walked away......

 

In her 15 years (almost 16), she has seen me make the hard decisions and be challenged to see what else could be. She has seen the transitions of my life up close and personal and walked with me through the rough times.  She has endured lack and encouraged me that things will definitely get better; yes she has been spoiled but she has also be appreciative.  She has complained but rejoiced as well.  She has been a trouper and sometimes a party pooper but yet she has understood the words "in due time...."

 

Her grown up decision has opened some new doors.  My daughter desires to go to Spelman and with her recently decision, we can schedule her tours and even her summer visits next year.  Her next trip is to Disney World and then to Chicago.  (She has a traveling bug....but she got it honest).  She can do some much need community service and even join another club and expand her experiences.

 

So I conclude that my daughter is also "grown on her own". I am watching her make decisions and be totally secure in the consequences.  I am now the onlooker and I see that she is a leader and a thought provoker; she is my little diamond and faith walker; she is a beautiful lady and a good friend; she is Sydney and she owns it!  No she is not defined as a CCM anymore but this is only a chapter of her life, this girl is on FIRE!  And I love her to life.

 

Keep walking little sister, I see your faith!

 

Mi Vida

 

I'm Sorry

I feel sooooo bad because this blog is my baby, I have been neglecting her for months.  I am a bad parent.  Because I have been going through my own personal issues, I have failed to even jot down a note in reference to the thing I love and love to do.  But I believe that it is useless and undermining to write only out of pain.  I like talk about the issue and provide the solution (or at least the way I resolved the matter). 

***Disclaimer Any advice or suggestions you receive here are my opinions.  I am not your therapist. Cuz I am crazy too.  Smile.

The reason that I have been away so long is because I have been in my own emotional/personal trial.  And I didn't even have words to express everything I was thinking, feeling, and going through.  I had so many issues and things that I haven't dealt with but pushed down so hard that when they came up, boy was it a sight to see.  It is never good to repress stuff, because it does come back and you have to deal with it. It could be days, weeks, months, years but sister it is coming back.  Now you can keep pushing it down, but eventually it reflects in your personality, your conversations, your actions and your love for others.  What is it that people say, "Your actions speak louder than your words."?  That is what happens when bitterness sets in. 

Recently, I had an opportunity to talk about the effects of bitterness.  I believe that so many of us, have that root as the Bible calls, it but we mask and nuture it and it continues to grow.  Then when it is out of control, we simply say, I don't know where that came from.  Ahhhh, yes you do.

The reason why I chose bitterness is because I have been truly effected by it.  Until I studied what it was, I had no clue.  Bitterness starts with hurt, then turns to anger, then resentment, then it's on and popping.  I told the class that I have a process when things hurt me.  It starts with the hurt, turns into an essay, then it is a 12 page paper, I make it a novel, then it's a 30-second commmerical, to trailer, to movie.  Halle Berry plays me. 

For the rest of this year, I have declared that I will use my power of forgiveness and use it for good.  I have also decided that I can veto any thought, word, or decision that negatively affects my well being.  Oh yeah, I am trademarking the phrase, "What if I don't Want TO?" 

I like that phrase because it stumps people.  If you are real honest and say you don't want to, what can a person do but accept your honesty.  Period. 

So back to my neglectful parenting.  My baby almost starved.  I have gotten emails, questions and some really bad looks because I haven't written a word in months.  Sorry!  I am making a dedicated commitment to give you something each month.  Something good and Godly.  Something that makes you laugh.  Something you can use. 

I will also be working on a few projects as well during this time and I promise to keep you in the loop.  I am so excited to be connected to women who encourage me and who are truly seeking my good.  Recently I have met two women, who I am sure will have a positive impact on MiVida (my life).  I look forward to learning and gleaning valuable tools from you both. 

Thanks for bearing with me during this time and I promise to give you something every month to encourage you to KEEP Walking in Faith!!!!

Love Ya All,

MiVida

Isn't She Lovely!!!!

Our 2011 Mother's Day Banquet is well underway.  I am so excited because our new logo, flyer, and vision is completely overhauled.  We are so grateful to AVIMA Designs for the wonderful work that they have done for us.  Robert Deane is truly a master at this craft.  Kudos......

All that being said check out our 2011 Flyer and Honoree Spotlight of the Week.  Join us at the 2011 Mother's Day Banquet to learn more about our Honorees and to celebrate the women that you love.  Bring your mothers, sisters, friends and daughters (husbands are invited too), as we honor some wonderful women of Faith!!!! 

 SPOTLIGHT OF THE WEEK!

JANATHAN ABNEY AUSTIN

Janathan Abney Austin is the Executive Pastor of the Bethel Abundant Life Center Church where Elder Jathan K. Austin is the Senior Pastor. She is the daughter of the late Bishop William C. Abney and Lady Lorraine Abney. Pastor Janathan is the founder and executive director of Ministry of Diamonds, a growing ministry dedicated to empowering and causing women to come to a deeper knowledge of Jesus Christ. Her strong passion is helping women to move from a place of despair and hurt to a life of abundance and joy.

Pastor Janathan travels the country speaking and imparting to women and men the power of God transforming love. Teaching them that I can give beauty for ashes. With a heart for hurting people, especially hurting women, her ministry focuses heavily on inner healing. Psalms 147:3 “He health the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Her prayer is that the word of the lord would come.

FROM MY HEART TO YOURS

Pastor Janathan Austin notes that  Eleanor Roosevelt best describes where I’ve been and who I am when she said.

“A woman is like a tea bag, you never now how strong she is until she gets into hot water.”

Stay Tuned For Info About Our Other Honorees

Keep Walkin',

MiVida

Keep Quiet

Psalms 141:3, James 1:19

I am learning to keep quiet. This is a challenge for me because I have an opinion about everything. I can weigh in on almost any subject and express, stress and validate my point because it is my opinion. But does my opinion really matter?

I took a reflective look at myself and realized that the very things that I instantly observe in others are parts of my own character. Some I like and some I dislike. In each of us, there are things that we need to improve upon and I am taking that journey in this season of my life.

As I desire to help others, I want to truly be helpful. I cannot take the baggage of the past into new friendships and dwell on the issues of old relationships and then try to separate the two when it is convenient. It just can’t be done. Just think about when a person moves from one home to another, typically they throw all of the trash out before moving to the new house, otherwise, they have to sort through it all when they get settled. Normally, the trash usually ends up in a remote corner waiting to be sorted through. However, I believe that before I can move fully into the next season of my life, some stuff has to be sorted through.

The lives that we lead are not myopic. Any given situation in our lives can be viewed in a multitude of perspectives. My view of a situation will be in direct contrast to someone else’s view. It doesn’t make my view irrelevant, just one sided. Because of this one sided view, I can miss details that often add value to the situation or conversation. That is why we must learn to keep quiet and listen more as the story unfolds. Many times, what I would quickly discard has great value and the things I hold on to a valueless. Not priceless, valueless (of no value). Since they hold no value, they do not require conversation or opinion. I am just going to toss it.

This week I met with a friend who told me that my blog has helped her because of the words that I use. This made me happy because sometimes I feel that I am just talking and no one is listening. However, after this meeting, I realized that my words do have a positive effect therefore they must be edifying and full of light. Will I not get angry? Will I not be truthful? No, but I will choose my words carefully and have peace in the words that I choose. I will be quick to apologize for my mistakes and be honest about my faults, and I will listen more to the hearts of others and not always the words because I do want others to hear my heart when I speak.

I encourage each one of you today to listen with your heart, don’t speak first, just listen; then use your words wisely. Watch what you say, say what you mean and mean what you say. There are people listening to the words and listening to your heart.

Keep Walking,


MiVida

Michael Kors ~ CutOut