Hi My name is...

Hi My name is MiVida & I am a hoarder.  Hi MiVida..........

I have been a hoarder for over 42 years now (I am sure I started when I was 1 yrs old).  I took a look around my room yesterday and scared myself.  I often joke that my room is a reflection of what is going on in my head and to tell the truth IT IS SCARY. 

I am prefacing this blog post with these comments....my room is junkie but far from nasty.  When I say junkie, I am finding that deep in the recesses of my psyche, I am a hoarder.  I hold on to things and for the life of me I can't even figure out why I'm keeping them.  Initially I have need for the things I keep but after some time, I just have stuff with no purpose or usefulness.  I have some pretty boxes that have held some knick-knacks that loved ones have given me; some cute gift bags that I re-purpose to give gifts to other people; and some magazines that held articles about some new, innovative thing I felt necessary to save, share, or hold on to.  All of this is just piling up....

It is time to purge.  I often use the excuse that I am too busy, too tired, too bored, too anything to deal with the mounting piles that often land in my room.  I try hard to keep my clutter contained but as with any "hoarder (term used loosely)" it usually spills out into some other room of the house.  My family mumbles about my stuff and usually places it somewhere in back my room. 

Just like a hoarder, some things are really hard to let go of...for no real, valid reason.  I just can't let go.  Recently, I threw a bunch of magazines in the trash and lamented about it for days.  I had read all of them, probably twice, but it was hard to let them go.  I had no need for them, wasn't clipping anything out, just wanted to keep them.

I realized recently, like yesterday, that all of this stuff (my hoard) is making me lose the things I really need.  It is sad when you just brought an item and for the life and love of stuff, you just can't find it, so you buy another.  Something has definitely gots to change!!!! Today!!!!!

Paralleling my life with my room, I find that I hold on to things that are of no real value which in fact clutters my outlook on life.  In the past two or three years, I have held on to things that really have not helped me to personally purge and move on.  I believe that this a learned behavior. 

*I am no medical doctor or psychologist, so don't ever quote me on diagnosis.*

I think we learn how to hoard our feelings very early in life.  As young ladies, expression is considered aggression and having "too strong" opinions or feelings can get you ostracized by the girls around you.  You learn to go along to get along.  And sometimes you get lost.  Most people equate losing friendships with rejection of some sort and can't see that if it's meant to be the Lord will return/restore the relationship. 

I remember as a child wanting to fit in and even when someone hurt my feelings I refused to stand up for myself because I didn't want to lose the friendship.  I would just go along.  As I got older, I realized that I am my own person and that I didn't have to do anything that I did not want to.  This takes some self examination and some time.  Often I find that something still is missing....I still hoard my feelings.

Since then, I have learned that the relationships that I have in my life are there for a reason and that each one is different on purpose.  Relationships evolve and often for the better of both parties.  People develop deep relationships with others and when it is time to let go it is hard to so because of the level of the relationship.  However, in order to grow I have learned to become a woman of YES when it comes to new experiences and let go of some things familiar. 

I also learned that it is important that we allow the past to be the past and look for opportunities for the new.  We learn from the past, we should not live in it.  We can reflect on memories, good or bad, but that should not be our dwelling place.  We do have to take a few moments to understand how we got to the place we are and then make a change to correct the behavior.  We have to let go of the stuff that we hoard internally because it reflects externally and people can see it.

So as of today... and you can hold me to it, I am purging mentally and physically.  I am throwing away some stuff, hanging up all my clothes, straightening out my closets, storing all the winter garb away and making peace with some internal issue and problems that have driven me to the place where I am...Hoarding.  I refuse to hold on to things that are out of my control, should be immediately dealt with, or that I am not responsible for.  I cannot change others, I can only pray for the change in me. 

I am still walking in Faith,

MiVida

Growing Up!

I admire people who seem to be all grown up.  Everything just seems to be handled and in place.  They are able to muster up the courage to fight battles and never blink an eye.  They have a solution for everything and offer advice, typically unsolicited.  They are the "grown ups" in our lives.  However, I really think that despite the outward appearance, there is still a child inside.  I don't believe the child in us ever really grows up!

 

Even at my ripe old age, I find that I am constantly growing up.  Often this shocks me because somewhere inside I too still long to be a kid.  I often reminisce about growing up and peer pressure, boy pressure, school pressure.  There are things I both love and loathe about my childhood. Some self inflicted but some were just growing pains.  I am sure all of it has made me into the person I am today.  I had a conversation with someone recently and I commented, "I am grown on my own".  Meaning that I am an individual. I handle my own problems. I reach out when needed but ultimately I am the decision maker and consequence taker.  By golly, I am grown!!!!

 

Sometimes my children seem to think that the rite of passage is determined by a number: 18, 21, 25, etc.  But being a grown up to me is a level of maturity and responsibility.  Taking account for the decisions you have made and either holding your head high or repenting because of a choice.  But in the end owning up to all your stuff.

 

Daily I realize that as the mom, I too have to exemplify a "grown up" stature.  I do understand that I can be wrong, admit it and still be in authority; that I can make a fool of or laugh at myself without losing position; and I can be me, vulnerable, crazy, or quiet without being questioned. 

 

I must give a shout out to my youngest daughter, the CCM (chocolate cheerleading mouse). Take a seat and HOLD YOUR BREATH.......

 

Recently she quit cheer. 

 

Yes, she let go of the love of her life in pursuit of something else. Her decision was entirely her own and a shock to us all.  No more scheduling our lives around practices, meetings, traveling, etc. No more early more travels and late night pick ups. And just what would we do with all the extra money.....?  She grew up enough to make the decision to walk away from something that brought her so much joy, to reach for the unknown!  SHE STEPPED OUT ON FAITH!  And walked away......

 

In her 15 years (almost 16), she has seen me make the hard decisions and be challenged to see what else could be. She has seen the transitions of my life up close and personal and walked with me through the rough times.  She has endured lack and encouraged me that things will definitely get better; yes she has been spoiled but she has also be appreciative.  She has complained but rejoiced as well.  She has been a trouper and sometimes a party pooper but yet she has understood the words "in due time...."

 

Her grown up decision has opened some new doors.  My daughter desires to go to Spelman and with her recently decision, we can schedule her tours and even her summer visits next year.  Her next trip is to Disney World and then to Chicago.  (She has a traveling bug....but she got it honest).  She can do some much need community service and even join another club and expand her experiences.

 

So I conclude that my daughter is also "grown on her own". I am watching her make decisions and be totally secure in the consequences.  I am now the onlooker and I see that she is a leader and a thought provoker; she is my little diamond and faith walker; she is a beautiful lady and a good friend; she is Sydney and she owns it!  No she is not defined as a CCM anymore but this is only a chapter of her life, this girl is on FIRE!  And I love her to life.

 

Keep walking little sister, I see your faith!

 

Mi Vida

 

Are You Kitten Me?

Today I AM going to vent!  When my daughter was young she used to say “are you kitten me?”, so I thought it appropriate to bring it over into today’s discussion and also show you some cute little heels!

I am thoroughly discouraged by my familia.  The jokers living under my roof! The moochers! The money grabbers! The loafers! The crumb-snatchers! Shall I go on…..? 

It kills me to no end that life isn’t getting any easier with young adults living at home.  I would so trade places with MI MidLife Maven, it isn’t funny.  Now I don’t know her complete living situation but having a kid out the door sounds like a little bit of heaven!

Shall we begin...?

My two older children are of the college and full employment ages.  My son, the oldest, “the leader of the slack”, decided to take several years off from school and is now interested in pursuing his college career.  I applaud this effort but I am of the mindset that you definitely can do more than one thing at a time buddy.  Look at me; I’m juggling, sewing, driving, cooking, studying, working, sleeping, and showering all at the same time. 



J Renee ~ Adena at Zappos.com

He seems to think that he should just ease into school and out of working because working and going to school is going to be a lot.  No joke pumpkin.  My moochers know I don’t tolerate any laziness...so he better not be surprised when his new living quarters are in the garage. Yes dear, You CAN work and go to school, AND to top it off you don’t have the added pressure of mortgage, bills, and people to feed.  ARE you kitten me?

My middle girl, “the responsible one”, has recently gone b-a-n-a-n-a-s (not the good bananas, Rachel Zoe says, but the crazy koo-koo bananas that makes you fear for the future of the world).  Last year she got a nice used car with less than 40,000 miles on it.  The deal was to drive it back and forth to work and school.  Well you know how well that went over, school became driving to friends house, driving people to Africa, going to the Moon, etc., all with no maintenance or oil changes, the engine went bye-bye. UGH! So now here we are with a car note, insurance payment, and no vehicle to drive.  Now she says that when she gets her next car, cuz she just knows she’s getting one, she’ll know to get regular oil changes….Are YOU kitten me?  That was basically the only conversation we were having the whole time you had your car…Get your oil changed.  Instead of good morning, I asked how the car was.  Now she’ll remember after one perfectly good vehicle has been immobilized.  Again, I say!….ARE YOU kitten me?

Haven’t had enough yet?     Shall I continue…?

Then we get to the youngest, “the chocolate, cheerleading mouse”(CCM),” the current taker of the largest share of the wallet”, this one had lost ALL her hurkies!  For 4 score and twenty years, we haven’t had living room furniture, mainly because I was waiting on people to start moving out of the house.  I figured I would start working on the living room as the house grew empty…but no, they keep going and coming, like ants at a picnic.  So I waited and I waited until I just couldn’t take it anymore and I brought some furniture for the living room.  So one day recently as the story goes, the CCM used the couch as part of her cheer stunts!  She has run up and down the couch and has leaped off of it!  What….Wait….ARE YOU KITTEN ME?!!!!  Her explanation was it was quick and she was just so excited and…“the couch was right there.” So an edict has gone forth, no one but my company on  the couch for the next 10 years.

Last but not least, we move on to our sweet little Chanel…the fur ball of our lives.  I was adamantly against getting a pet, since I knew that it would be my new responsibility.  But the CCM talked her dad into getting her one and I fell in love!  Chanel was doing so well then kaplowie….off the wagon.  I come in one day and find that Ms. Chanel has been tinkling on my new rug. A light bulb goes off….that’s where she’s been peeing.  ARE YOU KITTEN ME little doggie?!!!!

What in the world has my house come to? 

So this week, the slacker, Chiquita gone bananas, the Choc-cheerleading mouse, and the cute little dog better get it together.  I am putting on my heels and I am getting the house in order! And I’m not KITTEN!

I'm Walking in Faith, I encourage you to do the same!

MiVida

 

Mi Vida is my message

My Life is my message.  Mahatma Ghandi

 

As I slip back into this world of blogging, I realized that I am a little boring.  I would love to have some great exciting things happening to me daily, so I could “Wow” readers with my exploits.  However, I realized that being exciting is costly.  I looked into a trip to skydive…I figured that would be very exciting and it is.  It also cost a whole lot too.  So does hot air ballooning and horseback riding lessons, etc.

So I guess until I hit the Mega-jackpot of something, then I will remain “boring” and excite you with my wordsmith-ing or better yet my life.  Although I am not jumping out of planes or flying across the world to taste exotic foods, I am doing what all of us do well.  I am living my life.

Life is not easy and in everything we do there should be a lesson.  All of us learn something daily.  From our experiences, we associate things with encounter with lessons we have learned.  Some lessons are good, some not so.  I just love this quote, “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” Bernice Reagan Johnson  Many of my challenges...lessons have helped me to be a better me.

Some challenges, I like to call them lessons, make you pause for the cause…but I am a survivor!  What hasn’t killed me has made me stronger! (Thanks Bey and Kelly Clarkston, oh yeah…& Gloria Gaynor, she survived first.) 

I do believe life should be lived to the fullest but it is the small things that make us who we are.  We have people we love and who love us; we have jobs, whether we love them or not, we get up and go there daily to live; and we have an opportunity to improve our current situations by becoming a better us.  Our lives are the messages we send.

If we don’t like the message, we have the power to change it.  We set the tone and can overcome any obstacle because we believe we can.  I am in school because I want to change the course of my career.  I attend church because I believe in a power greater than me. I am a great mother. And so on and so on….

I have so many facets to who I am. I realize something new about me every day.  So this week, think about your life message…What does it say and does it represent the true you.  Start creating your message and sending it out.  It’s your life and you can say whatever you want.  Slip on your favorite shoes and Keep Walking...you have just started your journey.

 

MiVida! (My Life)

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