Monday, October 19, 2009

To Be Loved

In my lifetime, I have met so many people who have played a pivotal role in who I have become. Things that have transpired among us, good or bad have taught me so much about life and myself. Some things just happened and I couldn't control them, but some things I allowed because I didn't value me so much. The lessons of self worth are priceless but come at a cost.

I can recall my early years where I had teachers in elementary school, who nurtured me and encouraged me to enter the school play or recite a poem (In the Mornin' by Paul Lawrence Dunbar). During these years of my life my grandmother, Malteen and our family were my world. Everything centered around grandma's house. She was a lady's lady. She cooked every meal from scratch (until someone brought her that microwave, I think I know who that was), was always there when we needed her and was a very impressive dresser, which is a trait she passed to her daughters. Grandma was the confidant of everyone and she knew all the stories and even our truths. I spent many hours of my life in her house and especially at her snack bar, whether she was teaching us how to make something or clipping coupons for the next grocery trip. Now that I am grown, I see I need her more.

In middle school, independence began to kick in and I started to stretch my wings. I didn't need the advice of the grown-ups in the past, because I knew everything of course. Thank God even then, I had a well rounded support group. People who I knew would listen to the ramblings of a teenager and still give advice that would be beneficial. One of my teachers, Mrs. Howard, was very down to earth in her approach to us as young women. She would "tell it, like it is", which didn't go over too well at the time. But I do remember her saying to me privately, "You have to stand above the crowd, because there will always be a crowd to stand in." Back then, I was like, "What?", but she was telling me to be me, even in the crowd, I can still be me.

High School. Wow. There are so many things that can be said about my teens. I was not an angel but even broken angels have still have wings. During this time, I needed an attitude adjustment. Although I had a good time in high school, it came with a high level of low self esteem. My misunderstandings about who I was and who I belonged to, kept me trapped in a vicious cycle of the wrong thing at the wrong time. This baggage was so hard to let go. I let others determine my worth because I couldn't see that I was indeed worth a lot more. I don't blame anyone for my life experiences because now I can truly say, been there, done that, got the T-shirt and burned it. I can help someone to see that 10, 20, 30 years from now, you won't recognize yourself, if you make a change today. I made it through this period with the help of my friends. Some just told me like it was, and some shielded me from vicious attacks. Some were there when everyone else was gone and stood with me because they understood and loved me. (Don't get me wrong no one was killed during high school but many were injured.)

Adulthood is a whole 'nuther story. I now see why people said, "You'll understand when you get older," and why older people speak their minds. They have earned the right. As I reflect, I see that I have made a lot of mistakes in Mi Vida that seemed good at the moment but as time is progressing I am learning that I decide what I choose to accept. I can put my foot down at any moment because "I am not afraid of, what I got to pay for." (J.Scott). During my growing season in young adulthood, I became a lot more responsible. I thought that the number one priority was taking care of business. All business, everybody's business. It burned me out. Too much too do and so little time. Then one day a friend look me in the eyes and said, "But what about you?" I began to prioritize myself into the plan. Instead of Jesus, family, job, school, bills, house, men, women, cat, dog, fish, then me, it became Jesus, me, family, friends, etc. (Get in where you fit in but nothing is separating me from the Love of Jesus Christ.)

Throughout my life, I have been comforted by the support of people who love me, seen more in me than I have in myself, and who also have my back. This has been so valuable to me. You have been the ones who say the hard stuff and mean it. The ones who listen to me vent and then tell me to repent. The ones who laugh with me and make me laugh. The ones I am not afraid to cry in front of. The ones who pick me up when I am down and remember MY Birthday (that is huge). The ones I haven't talked to in months but we pick right up where we left off. The ones I see everyday and am glad to see. The ones who stick by my side and keep encouraging me to walk in Faith.

This is to you! It is great to be loved and to know that you are loved as well. In words we don't always express what we mean but today is my day to thank you for your support, love and help, for xx years of life.

Heels off to you!

Keep Walking,


Monday, October 12, 2009


Good Morning,

I know I haven't posted anything in the last week or so because, so much has been happening to me that I was trying to absorb it all. I am so excited that through the Lord, I have seen some doors opening, that I had not even thought could exist for FaithWithHeels or myself.

I am finding that I am trying to rush the Lord as He is trying to perfect me in this area. What I would choose may not always be best. In evaluating myself, I know that I am a person of action. If I say I am going to do something, I stick to that and follow it through. Sometimes I forge ahead without truly seeking Him for direction. Sometimes, He pushes me because that would not have been an area I would have chosen.

The Lord has also been teaching throughout the process "Patience". Wait upon the Lord and be of good courage" Ps. 27:14

Waiting is not one of my best qualities. Because I am a "doer", I do not hesitate to move forward with my plans. But sometimes, the Lord has to pull in the reins so that I do not go overboard. Waiting is hard. Waiting is uncomfortable. Waiting is necessary. Understanding this means that the I must possess the characteristic of patience. WOW!!!

Brother James lets me know that my faith must be tested through patience and when patience is done I will be perfected, complete and lacking nothing (James 1:1-4). That is where I want to be.

For many years I prayed that the Lord would complete me so that I would not be in a place where my emotions were unchecked, my life was out of order and I was still severely hurting from the past. I just wanted to be made whole. I just wanted to touch the hem of His garment. I prayed and asked that He complete me so that I could do His will in Joy. I asked Him to really show me, me. He is constantly doing this daily and I am studying to me more quiet and sure of my direction. He is giving me a peace about being me.

I am now seeing that I must pray for all three: perfection, completion and abundance (no lack).

The Lord is the guide of my life and He deposits people within it to give me comfort, friendship, love and support. Yet it is to him that I must return for the refilling and the renewal. Everything that He deposits within me, I am using to bless, encourage and inspire someone else. I am sure it is the Lord that Keeps me Walking in these Heels. I give Him the praise and glory because this is not about me but about Him. I am excited (sometimes) to be a vessel He uses.

Today I encourage each of you to allow God to do what He do (smile). The process takes some time, instruction and faith (action). You will have some ups and downs but you will learn a lot about yourself, be able to teach others what you have learned, and you will be perfected, completed and lacking nothing in Him.

Everyday, pray for God's will to overtake you as you go about your day and listen to His direction through the Word.

Keep Walking,

MiVida es de Oro!!!!

My Life is Golden!!!!

When I am tried in the fire, I shall come out as pure Gold.

Shoes by RSVP - Ricci