Thursday, June 27, 2013
Hi My name is...
Hi My name is MiVida & I am a hoarder. Hi MiVida..........
I have been a hoarder for over 42 years now (I am sure I started when I was 1 yrs old). I took a look around my room yesterday and scared myself. I often joke that my room is a reflection of what is going on in my head and to tell the truth IT IS SCARY.
I am prefacing this blog post with these comments....my room is junkie but far from nasty. When I say junkie, I am finding that deep in the recesses of my psyche, I am a hoarder. I hold on to things and for the life of me I can't even figure out why I'm keeping them. Initially I have need for the things I keep but after some time, I just have stuff with no purpose or usefulness. I have some pretty boxes that have held some knick-knacks that loved ones have given me; some cute gift bags that I re-purpose to give gifts to other people; and some magazines that held articles about some new, innovative thing I felt necessary to save, share, or hold on to. All of this is just piling up....
It is time to purge. I often use the excuse that I am too busy, too tired, too bored, too anything to deal with the mounting piles that often land in my room. I try hard to keep my clutter contained but as with any "hoarder (term used loosely)" it usually spills out into some other room of the house. My family mumbles about my stuff and usually places it somewhere in back my room.
Just like a hoarder, some things are really hard to let go of...for no real, valid reason. I just can't let go. Recently, I threw a bunch of magazines in the trash and lamented about it for days. I had read all of them, probably twice, but it was hard to let them go. I had no need for them, wasn't clipping anything out, just wanted to keep them.
I realized recently, like yesterday, that all of this stuff (my hoard) is making me lose the things I really need. It is sad when you just brought an item and for the life and love of stuff, you just can't find it, so you buy another. Something has definitely gots to change!!!! Today!!!!!
Paralleling my life with my room, I find that I hold on to things that are of no real value which in fact clutters my outlook on life. In the past two or three years, I have held on to things that really have not helped me to personally purge and move on. I believe that this a learned behavior.
*I am no medical doctor or psychologist, so don't ever quote me on diagnosis.*
I think we learn how to hoard our feelings very early in life. As young ladies, expression is considered aggression and having "too strong" opinions or feelings can get you ostracized by the girls around you. You learn to go along to get along. And sometimes you get lost. Most people equate losing friendships with rejection of some sort and can't see that if it's meant to be the Lord will return/restore the relationship.
I remember as a child wanting to fit in and even when someone hurt my feelings I refused to stand up for myself because I didn't want to lose the friendship. I would just go along. As I got older, I realized that I am my own person and that I didn't have to do anything that I did not want to. This takes some self examination and some time. Often I find that something still is missing....I still hoard my feelings.
Since then, I have learned that the relationships that I have in my life are there for a reason and that each one is different on purpose. Relationships evolve and often for the better of both parties. People develop deep relationships with others and when it is time to let go it is hard to so because of the level of the relationship. However, in order to grow I have learned to become a woman of YES when it comes to new experiences and let go of some things familiar.
I also learned that it is important that we allow the past to be the past and look for opportunities for the new. We learn from the past, we should not live in it. We can reflect on memories, good or bad, but that should not be our dwelling place. We do have to take a few moments to understand how we got to the place we are and then make a change to correct the behavior. We have to let go of the stuff that we hoard internally because it reflects externally and people can see it.
So as of today... and you can hold me to it, I am purging mentally and physically. I am throwing away some stuff, hanging up all my clothes, straightening out my closets, storing all the winter garb away and making peace with some internal issue and problems that have driven me to the place where I am...Hoarding. I refuse to hold on to things that are out of my control, should be immediately dealt with, or that I am not responsible for. I cannot change others, I can only pray for the change in me.
I am still walking in Faith,