This morning is the start of a very new chapter in my life. Returning to writing. For the longest time, I haven’t felt the urge to share my feelings. I felt like it was…is futile. I wasn’t looking for any great revelations or any notoriety, just some open dialogue with other women, moms, friends, ladies who could relate. But so many times, I felt that my words fell on deaf ears/blind eyes. While I received comments occasionally, I desired constant feedback.
• Lesson one…don’t desire feedback.
I didn’t create my blog to vent, rant, or complain, I did it for me. Sometimes just to bare my soul and other times, hopefully just brighten your day. I wanted to be a voice, your voice, your friend, your buddy and myself. Often, that’s just not enough…..or is it.
I recently heard Jay-Z’s song, “ Open Letter”,(yes….I heard it) and I understand why he did it but unlike Mr. Z, I’m not bashing or re-hashing, I’m shifting, gifting, and baring it all…..I’m telling my truth.
In 2011, as my life changed and so did my writing…It mirrored my soul and nothing emerged. I just felt like this piece of paper (pre-typing) BARE. I had/have some great things that were budding in my life during this time but a cloud lingered over me and I just couldn’t shake it. It was like those commercials where the cloud follows the lady and makes her fall into a hole, then with the help of this miracle drug, she emerges and takes back her life….but anybody notice that the cloud is still there. (That commercial cracks me up every time….I always yell” But the cloud is still there”). I am not sure if the people around me noticed or cared that I was under a cloud and to me, that’s the scary part. I started packing on pounds not just physically but mentally and spiritually too. I was carrying too much weight.
The thought of baring it all (naturally or mentally)….UH NEVER. You’ll never get a glimpse of me naked….
• Lesson Two: In order to heal, we have to reveal; bare it all and sometimes be ashamed…Trust me it is very cathartic.
Personally, I hadn’t visited my own blog since December of 2011. As I went out and spoke at conferences around the nation, I cringed every time someone mentioned FaithWithHeels, mostly out of embarrassment and conviction because I had left something I loved; abandoned and alone. I had friends who nudged and encouraged me to get back in stride but I just felt like laying down my keyboard and letting go.
FaithWithHeels has a presence and I HAD to be present to make it work. If I checked out, no one will really notice…right? So as time passed, my guilt about FaithWithHeels waned and I would only discuss FWHs if I was confronted with it. The sad part is, that was one of the most enjoyable times of my life, but other personal issues just clouded the joy in it.
• Lesson Three: Do what you love, even if you are the only one doing it. It doesn’t matter if you love it.
This semester I landed in a social media class and guess what?! First assignment is creating a blog….I guess the Lord isn’t finished with me yet.
- Lesson Four: Don’t run from your calling or destiny…The Lord always has a way of getting you exactly where He wants/needs you to be.
So I return “once again”….and hopefully you are still here. You are waiting to hear from me and boy do I have a lot to share. Some of it is very funny and some will make you stop and stare. Join me on this journey even if it is only for a while but I promise it will be entertaining, exhilarating and engaging….or just plain hilarious.
I’m starting over and baring it all….I’m taking my shoes off and starting fresh….FAITH…with NO Heels.