For the past two weeks, I truly rested my feet (and mind). I laid back and didn't try to do much of anything. Was it productive? Yes and no. Yes, I relieved myself of obligation but I slipped into a lazy mode. But I got way to comfortable doing nothing and that is not a good thing.
As hard as I wanted to do a post on the blog, I just couldn't. I never want to just write a post because of necessity but because I feel that it will help, bless, encourage, edify and uplift you. So I didn't. Try as I might, it was not time.
I have had an overwhelming cry in my spirit of WHY? I have been feeling a little forsaken in the last few months, not by people but by the Lord. I kept calling but I didn't get an answer. I kept knocking but the door wouldn't open (or open wide enough). I kept crying but my daddy didn't answer me.
I felt like Jesus when he said, "My God, My God why has thou forsaken me?" Now mind you, I am not being crucified but I sure felt like it and I definitely wasn't feeling very sure. This is the trick that the enemy uses on me often. He likes to defeat my confidence. He likes to make me feel insignificant. But since God knows me so well, He sent His word to encourage me and remove the doubt and fear. Yet, because I was not getting immediate answers, open doors or responses, I began to act like a brat. I didn't want to do anything because nothing was going the way I wanted it to. I wanted a mass flood to come my way but I have even felt a ripple. I wanted a huge roar but I haven't heard a whisper. I wanted to see way beyond the horizon but I am caught in a fog. What does fog equal? (FOG ~ Favor of God, didn't realize it until I just wrote it).
My faith level dropped.
It was a test.
Did I fail?
God has given me a huge assignment. And I do feel unworthy. I feel that this was something for someone with a big name. Someone with name recognition. Someone people listen too. (Hey! I felt like Moses for a minute). But God knows what He wants to accomplish through me. I constantly have to check my heart and motive for doing this. It is not about me but about Him and His people. I want everyone to have a good time and make some new friends. I want to grow in Him and in the knowledge that He has given me. I know that to whom much is given, much is required and I am willing to pay the price.
Ladies (& Gents too), I am willing to go to the cross. God is in control of everything and everything that I do. His word assures me in Isaiah 54 that I am covered. He is my Maker, He is my Redeemer, He is My Husband. I am not forsaken; I am not ashamed; I shall not fear; He is enlarging my tents; He will have mercy on me, I shall be adorned with jewels; and have great peace. WOW!!!! Great are these promises. I have to keep this open and before me daily so that I know who has my back. The Lord Himself.
I am pouring out so much of me that I must take a refresher at His feet sometimes. That is what I realized during this brief hiatus. I do want to be a vessel that He can use but I don't want to be used up in things that are not pleasing to Him or edifying to me. I want to grow and help others to grow. I want to do exploits in His name for His name and by His name. The name of Jesus Christ our Lord.
If you haven't taken the time to evaluate your priorities or even taken time to celebrate you, do it now. It is important. It is a time to connect to Jesus and sit at His feet, to tell him all about it and to cry if you need to. It is okay.
In everything that happens to you today, tomorrow and forever more, Know that You are Loved, not just by me, but by the One who knows you so well.
MiVida es de Oro!
My Life IS Golden
(When I am tried in the fire, I shall come out as pure Gold!)
Shoes by Oscar De La Renta